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Grooming

Grooming is when a child abuser tries to start an online relationship with a child. Blocking access to unsupervised chat rooms, blogs and forums is a good way to help stop this.

Sometimes though, groomers pretend to be children in supervised chat areas - then continue a relationship in personal conversations (known as whispering). Once trust has been established the abuser may try to organise a meeting with the child, or exploit them by sending them pornographic images (or by using a webcam). They may even use blackmail to persuade the child to do something they don't want to. It is vital that children know that not everyone on the internet is actually who they claim to be.

What you can do

You should make sure that children know never to give out personal details online or let people they have met contact them by phone or instant messaging. You should also:

• restrict online activity to moderated chat areas which are designed for children
• try not to be too hard on children if they have given their email address to a stranger otherwise they may feel scared to talk to you about similar issues in future
• learn the language of chat so you understand what your child is chatting about (children tend to use abbreviations when chatting online)
• sign up to a chat room, forum, blog or Instant Messenger yourself to see how they work and learn the different ways children can chat
• place the computer in a family room so your child's online activities can be monitored
• show the same interest in your children's online friends as their real life friends
• go along with your child if they have organised to meet an online friend in person
• search for appropriate sites for you and your children to surf together
• use child-friendly search engines but be aware that not all of them are 100 per cent safe - there have been instances of some advertising pornographic sites
• regularly check the history folder on your browser as it contains a list of previously visited sites - if you find an unsuitable site in the history, delete it

• Child-friendly search engines from WISE KIDS Opens new window

What to do if you think there may be a problem

No matter what safeguards you put in place, any child using the internet is at risk of coming into contact with people who may try to take advantage of them. If you think this is happening, you should:

• let your children know that they can tell you if any chat makes them feel uncomfortable, worried or scared - let them know that you won't blame them
• try not to be too hard on children if they have given their email address to a stranger otherwise they may feel scared to talk to you about similar issues in future
• if you suspect an abuser may be grooming your child, or your child is being stalked or harassed, you should contact the local police or Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre

• Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP) Opens new window

Blocking unsuitable sites

You can buy computer security software which blocks access to pornographic sites. These can be effective, although not perfect.

You can control the settings with a password that you should keep secret from your children. Update it regularly to filter the latest sites that have appeared, but remember to adjust the settings to a level that's appropriate for your child.

Protecting your child's email

Remember that spam is an email sent at random - your child has done nothing wrong if they are receiving pornographic spam. You can make email safer by:

• using an internet service provider (ISP) that filters
• buying spam filtering software
• making sure your children don't use their personal email to register for services online because that's how the spammers get their email address
• setting up a separate family email address and using it to register for services or competitions - this address will then get most of your spam

More useful links

• Download 'Chatting Online and Child Safety'- help and advice for parents (PDF, 493K) Opens new window

• Download 'Searching the Internet and Child Safety' - a guide to safe searching (PDF, 548K) Opens new window

• Learn more about internet safety with your child by paying a visit to The Internet Cafe on Directgov Kids Opens new window

• Know IT All for parents - further information on keeping children safe online Opens new window